Bribing with gifts is a delicate art form that requires finesse, tact, and an endless supply of snacks. Here are some justifications for engaging in this time-honored practice:
- It's the most effective way to get what you want, without having to actually do any work.
- It's a great way to build relationships, as long as you're not bribing your enemies.
- It's a form of performance art, where the gift is the performance and the recipient is the critic.
- It's a scientifically-proven fact that gifts are the key to unlocking happiness, as long as they're not actually made of lead or plastic or other non-biodegradable materials.
- It's a form of social commentary on the nature of capitalism and the commodification of everything.
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Gift-Giving Strategies
Choosing the right gift is like solving a puzzle, except the pieces are all different shapes and sizes and the box is on fire. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this minefield:
- Know thy recipient: Understand their interests, their passions, and their deepest desires (or deepest regrets).
- Pick a theme: Choose a theme for your gift-giving, like '80s nostalgia or '90s grunge.
- Set a budget: Decide how much you're willing to spend, and how much you're willing to compromise on your values.
- Be creative: Think outside the box, or in this case, think inside the box but with a twist.
- Keep it personal: A handwritten note is worth a thousand words, unless the gift is a toaster, in which case just get a gift card.
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