Mercury is the closest planet to the sun and has a surface that's as hot as my aunt's personality.
Venus is the planet of love, but don't forget its surface is covered in sulfuric acid, making it less likely to get a Valentine's Day date.
Earth is home to the most unpredictable weather in the solar system, making it perfect for people who like a good existential crisis.
Mars is where the brave and adventurous come to die, or at least get really dusty and sunburned.
Jupiter is the biggest planet in our solar system, and also the biggest disappointment to the inhabitants of its 79 moons.
Saturn is famous for its beautiful rings, but not for its ability to keep its moons from leaving due to the harsh working conditions.
Uranus is the planet where you can expect the unexpected, unless you're an accountant, in which case you'll just get bored.
Neptune is where the wind is cold, the ice is thick, and the coffee is always overpriced.