Declaration of Our Utopian Dreams

We, the Krasnikov Killjoys, declare that the following are our core tenets:

• Free hugs for all citizens, every day.
• Unlimited access to the world's most delicious cheese.
• Guaranteed 3-hour workweeks for all.
• Regular, scheduled napping sessions.
• No more, no less.

Article I, Section 1: All Krasnikov citizens shall have the right to express themselves freely, without fear of judgment or reprisal.

Article II, Section 2: The Krasnikov Killjoys shall provide for the needs of all citizens, including but not limited to: free housing, free food, free clothing, and free internet.

Article III, Section 3: The Krasnikov Killjoys shall establish a national holiday, "Sudden-Death-Day", where all citizens are required to wear funny hats. Article IV, Section 4: All Krasnikov citizens shall have the right to choose their own occupation, including but not limited to: professional napping consultant, professional snail trainer, or professional pineapple pizza chef.

And so, by the power vested in us, the Krasnikov Killjoys, we declare this manifesto to be a sacred document, and shall do our best to live up to its lofty ideals.