Step 1: Pretend you're a programmer, but really just Google all your answers.
Step 2: Write a few lines of code, and call yourself a developer.
Step 3: Start a consulting firm with a fancy logo and a bunch of buzzwords on your website.
Step 4: Charge people triple the amount you'd pay for a decent cup of coffee for a 30-minute meeting.
Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 until you're making six figures, and then wonder why you're not happy.