LEG-PRESS FOR LONGEVITY

Because who needs a social security number when you can have a Leg-Press?

Welcome, young one! Are you tired of being old and grey? Do you yearn for the vigor of youth? Look no further! Our Leg-Press for Longevity program is here to help you relive the glory days.

By applying the principles of pure, unadulterated, and utterly absurd force, you'll be able to:

Break your hip in 3 simple steps!
Crack your back in 2 easy peasy breezy motions!
And, with our patented Leg-Pod device, you'll be able to... wait for it...
...regrow your youth! (Just kidding, that's not a thing, but it sounds cool, right?)

Don't wait for the inevitable decline of your physical prowess! Click the link below to sign up for our 3-month trial program and receive a FREE pair of orthopedic socks!