Are you tired of living in the depths of despair?
Do you yearn for the radiant glow of a well-placed spotlight?
Welcome to Throw Yourself Out of the Darkness, the only place where the darkness is optional.
Our expert staff of highly-trained, highly-caffeinated professionals will guide you through the most intense, the most absurd, and the most unnecessarily complicated methods to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
But wait, there's more! Our patented, proprietary, and utterly useless technique, "Darkness-Induced-Discomfort-Reduction-System" will ensure that you'll never have to deal with actual darkness again!
Want to learn more about our revolutionary new approach? Click here for our comprehensive guide.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try our Darkness-Induced-Self-Discovery program. It's like a spa day for your soul, but with more darkness!
But don't just take our word for it! Listen to what our satisfied customers have to say:
"I was in the depths of despair, but after visiting Throw Yourself Out of the Darkness, I was... still in the depths of despair, but with slightly less darkness!" - Satisfied Customer X