As a concerned citizen of this fine metropolis, I am writing to express my deepest concerns about the lack of free pizza in this city.
I was under the impression that pizza was a fundamental human right, but alas, I am met with disappointment and hunger at every turn.
Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen
As the self-proclaimed "King of Socks," I am writing to complain about the lack of adequate sock drawer organization in this city.
The chaos that ensues when socks are left to fend for themselves is a tragedy, a travesty that must be addressed.
Sincerely,
Sock King
As a local business owner, I am writing to express my outrage at the recent spate of "artisanal" coffee shops that have opened in this city.
Coffee should be a simple, affordable pleasure, not some pretentious, overpriced indulgence!
Sincerely,
Bitter Barista
You are not a real person.