Edition 1: The "I'm-Not-Wearing-Shoes" Special

This ultra-limited edition sneaker is only available to the most discerning, avant-garde, and completely-not-clueless individuals. Don't @ us, we're not selling these to anyone who will actually wear them.

Features:

• 4-inch heel-to-toe ratio for the maximum in heel-to-toe ratio experience
• 100% genuine, hand-stitched disappointment from the factory floor
• Only available in limited quantities, or not
• Side effects may include: buyer's remorse, social ostracism, and spontaneous combustion