Love Repellent Paintball Rules

Welcome to the most toxic game of paintball in the universe. Here's what you need to know:

• Don't. Even. Think. About. Love.
• Team "I'm a Cylon" is not allowed, no matter how much you've watched Battlestar
• Players must maintain a minimum of 3 inches of personal space at all times
• No hugging, kissing, or other forms of physical affection. You'll be removed from the field and forced to watch an endless loop of elevator music
• Players must wear a minimum of 2 layers of clothing to protect themselves from the crushing ennui of human connection
• No talking about feelings, except to complain about how much you hate them
• Players must be willing to sacrifice their firstborn child in exchange for a 10% chance of winning the game