Step 1: Find a Corner
Locate a suitable corner in your domicile. Ideally, one with a high ceiling and minimal distractions.
Step 2: Crying Face
Assume the position of a wounded animal, but without actually being one.
Step 3: Tears Flow
Allow the waterworks to commence. Snot and sobs, the more dramatic the better.
Remember, the goal is not to be heard by others, but to be heard by yourself.