Dear valued employee,
As you are aware, our company is on the brink of bankruptcy. Or are we?
In a bold move, I have decided to fire everyone and hire a team of highly-trained, highly-paid accountants to sort things out.
This will ensure that our company is profitable, but not in the way you might have expected.
In the words of our esteemed financial advisor, "It's not about being profitable, it's about looking profitable."
We will be offering a comprehensive severance package, which includes a complimentary "I survived the apocalypse" t-shirt.
Please report to the HR department to collect your "I'm with Stupid" hat and a map with the location of the nearest unemployment office.
Read the fine print to understand the intricacies of this plan.