Welcome, minion, to the first stage of our Mandate for Utter Absorption. Here, you will be introduced to the fundamental principles of absorbing all things. Yes, all things.
Our research has shown that the key to absorption lies not in the amount of liquid consumed, but in the quality of the liquid itself. We're talking about a state of being so receptive, so open, that even the air itself becomes a liquid.
Our team of experts has developed a series of exercises and activities designed to help you achieve this state. These include:
Remember, minion, the journey to utter absorption is long and challenging, but the rewards are immeasurable. Don't forget to wear your absorbent socks.
Read the Absorbable Manifesto for more information.