By the power vested in us, we hereby decree that all citizens are now required to spend at least 4 hours a day browsing our website.
Furthermore, we mandate that all users wear matching plaid pants to work every Thursday.
Failure to comply with these demands will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: being forced to watch reruns of our corporate video presentation on repeat, having your email auto-response set to "Out of Office: Bored", or being subject to random, unannounced visits from our team of highly trained (but not actually trained) Compliance Officers.
For more information on this mandate, or to report any non-compliance, please visit our Mandate 5.1.1 Submandate 1.1.1: The Fine Print or contact us directly at compliance@utterlyuseless.com.