Attendance Policy: Because We Care

As a reminder, all employees are required to attend Monday morning meetings. Yes, even the ones that start at 7:00 AM. We understand that some of you may be feeling like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of despair, but trust us, it's for your own good.

Consequences of Non-Attendance:

• You will be forced to listen to an endless loop of elevator music in the break room.
• Your favorite chair will be moved to the storage room. Just kidding... or are we?
• You will receive an extra-strict performance review. We're talking glowing red pen, folks.

And don't even get us started on the dreaded 'Monday Morning Bingo.' If you miss a meeting, you'll be forced to participate in a game of "Guess the Number of Caffeine-Deprived Zombies in the Break Room." Loser buys donuts.

So, don't be a rebel, don't be a nonconformist. Be on time, and for the love of all things sane, be prepared for a meeting that will make you question the very fabric of reality.

Important Links:

• Attendance Award - For all those that manage to drag themselves out of bed
• Exemption Form - For those that have a legitimate reason for their non-attendance (we won't believe you if you just want to watch cat videos)