Mandatory Monday Mornings: Privacy Policy (or How to Not Get Busted)

We're Watching You

When you browse our site, we're not just tracking your browsing history for fun, we're actually using it for nefarious purposes, like:

• To optimize the placement of our mandatory Monday morning motivational posters
• To predict your likelihood of getting a promotion based on your favorite breakfast cereal
• To serve you personalized ads for our sponsor, the world's largest and most mediocre used car dealership

Cookie Monster

Our website uses cookies, not the kind you bake, but the kind that track your every move and send you to our sponsor's website when you click on "back" on your browser.

Terms of Use (or How to Not Get Banned)

Please do not use our website for anything other than reading the privacy policy, or you will be subject to the following penalties:

• Being forced to watch an endless loop of our sponsor's 10% off coupon commercial
• Having your browsing history shared with your coworkers and family members
• Being subject to random Monday morning motivational posters that say things like "Believe in Yourself!" or "You're Doing Great!"