Brian "The Human Dynamo" Smith for consistently checking the clock during meetings and reminding everyone that the coffee machine is 3 years old and still doesn't work.
His tireless efforts to optimize the office stapler have saved the company an estimated 0.5 paper clips per month.
Best Caterer of the Year was a close second, but let's be real, that's just a participation trophy.
Least Productive Member of the Year was, unfortunately, given away in the break room fridge, where it was found with a 3-week old tuna salad.