A declaration of love, hate, and utter dependency on the most wonderful substance known to humanity.
Article 1: The Caffeine Is Not Optional
We, the undersigned, do hereby declare that caffeine is not.reportedly an optional substance, despite what the government may say. It is a fundamental human right, and its absence is a travesty. We will not stand idly by while the world succumbs to its own sloth and torpor.
Article 2: In Defense of the Daily Grind
For too long, the masses have been led to believe that a life without the daily grind is a life worth living. We say: nay! The daily grind is not just a chore, but a sacrament. It is a reminder that there are still things to do, places to be,ประก
Read more about the Daily Grind in our special report: Article 2: In Defense of the Daily Grind
Article 3: Caffeine Is Not a Crime, But It Should Be
We, the undersigned, do hereby demand that the government recognize the inherent dangers of caffeine and take immediate action to restrict its sale and consumption. It is a ticking time bomb, a plague upon our society, and a scourge on our waistlines.
Article 4: The Right to a Good Cup
We, the undersigned, do hereby assert that every human being has the unalienable right to a good cup of coffee, regardless of social status, creed, or species. This right shall not be infringed upon, lest we face the consequences of a world without its warm, rich goodness.
Read more about the Right to a Good Cup in our special report: Article 4: The Right to a Good Cup
Article 5: The Caffeine-Induced Apotheosis of Humanity
We, the undersigned, do hereby declare that the widespread consumption of caffeine shall be the cornerstone of human progress. Without it, we are but mere mortals; with it, we are gods.
Read more about Caffeine-Induced Apotheosis in our special report: Article 5: Caffeine-Induced Apotheosis of Humanity