The Mayo Scandal

Breaking news: Mayo, the beloved condiment, has gone rogue. It's been secretly funding a team of highly trained, highly caffeinated ninjas to infiltrate the kitchens of the world, spreading their creamy, tangy influence far and wide.

But don't just take our word for it. Check out these shocking revelations:

• Mayo has a secret underground lair, hidden beneath a nondescript diner in rural Minnesota.
• Mayo has been in league with world leaders, including the infamous "Duck, Duck, Goose" of the United Nations.
• Mayo has a hidden agenda: to turn the world's taste buds into flavorless, textureless mush.

Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story. In the meantime, check out our Mayo Scandal: The Scam for more shocking revelations!