A guide for those who are already enlightened, but just need a little more.
1. Transcendental Meditation for the Transcendent: Focus on your breath, but only after you've already transcended your ego. Requires a 5% chance of enlightenment.
2. Walking Meditation for the Discerningly Gifted: Stroll through a field of existential dread, but only if it's a field of actual dread, not just a field of flowers.
3. Guided Imagery for the Visionary: Imagine a world where you're a superhero, but only if it's a world where you're a superhero who's also a vegetarian.
4. Chakra Balancing for the Advanced: Focus on your chakras, but only if you've already balanced your chi. Includes a 10% chance of spontaneous combustion.
5. Meditation for the Jaded: Simply sit in silence, contemplating the futility of existence. May cause existential dread, depression, or a strong desire for pizza.