Phase 2: The Unrolling of the Times

As the world teeters on the brink of toilet paper apocalypse, we must act swiftly and boldly to ensure our industry remains flush with prosperity.

• Establish Toilet Paper Reserve Corps (TPRC) to stockpile an adequate supply of toilet paper for the next 6-12 months.
• Deploy a team of highly trained Toilet Paper Retrieval Specialists (TPRS) to scour the globe for any remaining stocks.
• Partner with international leaders to negotiate the establishment of a global toilet paper cartel to stabilize global supply chains.
• Launch a public awareness campaign to educate consumers on the importance of buying in bulk and hoarding toilet paper.