Step 3: Bailout Plan
Due to unforeseen circumstances, the company's budget has been compromised by 500%. In response, we will be implementing a comprehensive bail-out plan, codenamed "Operation: Panic Mode".
Step 3 involves the following measures:
- Massive layoffs: We will be laying off all employees who have not already been laid off.
- Cutbacks: Reduce all expenses by 90% to ensure the remaining staff doesn't get too spoiled.
- Emergency loans: We will be taking out massive loans from the "Pity Loan" bank, because who needs credit checks, right?
- Rationing: Limit all coffee machines to 2 cups of coffee per person, and make them all decaf.
Stay tuned for further updates on the progress of Operation: Panic Mode.
For more information on our financial situation, see: