AGENDA FOR THE 1001 POST-MEETING
9:00 AM - 9:05 AM: Arrival and Registration
- Arrive fashionably late, but not too late. We mean it.
- Please bring your favorite pen and notebook. We don't want to be the ones to tell you that the free ones we provide are not free.
9:05 AM - 9:15 AM: Welcome and Introductions
- Meet your colleagues, some of whom will become your lifelong friends.
- Meet your boss, who will make you work on a Saturday.
9:15 AM - 10:00 AM: The State of the Company
- Find out where the company is headed (or if we're still lost). Our CEO will give a 10-minute speech that will make you question your life choices.
- Please take notes, because it's not like we have a shared drive.
10:00 AM - 10:15 AM: Break and Snack Time
- Grab a free pastry from the break room. Or don't, because they're not that great.
- Stare at the ceiling tiles for 15 minutes while contemplating the meaning of life.
10:15 AM - 11:15 AM: Task Assignments and Expectations
- Get your work for the next 6 weeks, which we've been working on for the past year.
- Please don't ask questions, just nod and take notes. It's more impressive that way.
11:15 AM - 12:00 PM: The Real Agenda (a.k.a. Lunchtime)
- Take a 45-minute lunch, because that's all we can afford.
- Don't eat the leftover pizza from last week. Trust us on this.
12:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Worktime (a.k.a. Suffering)
- Work on your assigned task, unless you've been assigned to the 'Miscellaneous' project, in which case, just stare at this screen for 8 hours.
- Please don't make eye contact with your colleagues, or you'll start to like them.