THE COFFEE LOBBY: A Rebuttal to 1005

In response to the audacious claims made by the so-called "1005 Coffee Initiative", we, the Coffee Lobby, have gathered here today to set the record straight: COFFEE IS NOT JUST FOR THE WEAK.

For decades, the 1005 Initiative has been peddling their watered-down, decaf swill to the masses. But we, the Coffee Lobby, stand strong in the face of this bland, corporate-driven agenda.

We will not be silenced by their claims of "health benefits" or their pseudo-science about "caffeine sensitivity". We will not be swayed by their empty promises of "sustainable energy sources".

No, we will not be fooled. We will not be bought. We will not be bribed with their fancy coffee shops and their overpriced coffee beans.