CEO Exit Strategy

In response to recent shareholder demands, the CEO has been forced to implement a series of increasingly drastic measures to boost company morale.

Step 1: Mandatory Morning Yoga

All employees are required to start their days with a 30-minute session of downward-facing dog and warrior poses.

Step 2: Free Donut Fridays

Every Friday, employees receive a free donut of their choice (or two, or three, or...).

Step 3: Inflatable Office Decorations

Our office will now feature a rotating selection of inflatable hamsters riding unicorns, because who doesn't love that?

Step 4: Mandatory Breakroom Dance Parties

Every hour, on the hour, the break room will transform into a dance party with the latest in corporate-approved techno.