Mandatory Weekend Reading: Decision #3452

By Order of Management

As of today, all employees are required to read the following materials before the start of each week.

A memo from HR: "We've noticed a significant decrease in productivity during work hours, and we suspect it's due to lack of reading materials. This will be monitored, and any deviations will be met with stern consequences."

Required Reading:

1. Appendix A: Company Handbook
2. Minutes from Last Week's Meeting
3. Meeting Notes: The Importance of Sarcasm in the Workplace

Side Effects

Side effects may include but are not limited to:

1. Increased risk of eye strain from excessive reading
2. Nausea and vomiting from excessive boredom
3. Catastrophic consequences from neglecting to read this material

Disclaimer

By reading this, you're agreeing to the Terms and Conditions of Mandatory Reading. Failure to comply will result in disciplinary action, up to and including but not limited to: termination.