MANDATE #5: Mandatory Fidgeting
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME, I, THE NEAREST AUTHORITY, HEREBY ORDER THE FOLLOWING:
Section 1.1: All employees are hereby required to fidget during meetings. This may include, but is not limited to, tapping their feet, twiddling thumbs, or doodling on their laptops.
Section 1.2: Any employee found not fidgeting shall be subject to a mandatory 30-minute break, during which they will be forced to watch a PowerPoint presentation on "The Importance of Fidgeting in a Productive Work Environment."
Section 2: The following fidgeting methods are hereby approved:
- Tapping your feet
- Twiddling your thumbs
- Doodling on your laptop
- Twitching your nose
Section 3: Any employee who fails to comply with this mandate shall be subject to a penalty of one (1) extra cup of coffee per day, for a period of one week.
Approved by: