Excuses Submitted: Meeting of the Inept

Today's Agenda:

Why I couldn't attend the meeting:

• I overslept and my cat was having a existential crisis.
• I was stuck in a never-ending loop of meetings about meetings.
• I was kidnapped by aliens and had to negotiate for our planet's ransom.

Why I'm not going to make any actual decisions:

Because:

1. I'm allergic to productivity.
2. I've been reading too many philosophy texts and have become too skeptical.
3. I've been possessed by the spirit of a lazy sloth.