When attending a meeting, remember that the most important thing is not the meeting itself, but rather the snacks you'll get to consume during it.
Arrive on time, but only if you have a good reason to. Otherwise, just stroll in whenever you feel like it.
Turn off your phone, but only if it's not a smartphone. If it's a smartphone, just leave it on silent mode and pretend you're not secretly playing Candy Crush while you're supposed to be listening.
Don't talk to your neighbor, unless you're at a conference about talking to your neighbor. In that case, go wild.
When someone asks you to present, just wing it and hope you don't die. If you die, just pretend you meant to do that and call it a "performance art piece."
For more meeting etiquette tips, see "Meeting Takeovers: A Guide to Hijacking the Agenda."