Citizens of Neo-Brutalia, be aware that Monday mornings are now subject to the following mandates:
All inhabitants of Neo-Brutalia are required to don a fresh pair of pants on Mondays, lest the fabric of reality unravel.
Exceptions apply to those who have been granted a Special Exemption Permit.
It is hereby decreed that all citizens must ingest a minimum of 300mg of caffeine on Monday mornings to stimulate productivity and prevent existential dread.
Failure to comply will result in a mandatory 30-minute power nap.
As the great and powerful Monday Mandates of Doom Protocol continues to shape the very fabric of reality, citizens of Neo-Brutalia, be aware that the following edicts are non-negotiable:
On Mondays, it is decreed that all citizens must don a pair of red shoes, lest they risk being turned into a toad.
A fine of 100 Neo-Brutalian dollars will be levied against those who fail to comply.
At precisely 8:00 AM, all citizens must gather in the town square to sing the ancient hymn of Monday, 'The Monday Mandate Shuffle'.
A minimum of 5 consecutive renditions is required for optimal brain stimulation.