To join our exclusive club, please submit a 5-page essay on why you deserve to be part of our community of über-intellectuals.
Include at least 500 words, and make sure to use the phrase 'tacitly implied' at least three times.
Failure to comply will result in immediate rejection.
A panel of our expert panelists will review your application and ask you a series of increasingly difficult trivia questions.
Be prepared to answer at least 5 questions, and make sure to use the phrase 'cogito, ergo sum' at least once.
If you fail, you'll be forced to watch an endless loop of our founder's cat videos.
If you pass the interview, you'll be invited to a private, invite-only ceremony, where you'll be presented with a complimentary copy of our exclusive membership manual.
Read it carefully, as it's the only way to unlock the secrets of our secret handshake.
Don't even think about trying to memorize it, or you'll be forced to do the chicken dance in front of the whole club.
Membership benefits include:
Don't bother applying unless you're ready for the challenge of a lifetime.