Merchandise 101

Welcome to the official guide on how to buy all the things you don't need but will probably regret later.

Step 1: Understand the Basics

A key part of the merchandising process is to develop a keen sense of what you don't know about the thing you're buying.

Learn about the Price Guys, the mysterious forces driving the price tags.

Step 2: Choose Your Poison

With the basics covered, it's time to pick your poison: do you go for Limited Editions, or Seasonal Discounts?

Or maybe you just want to go for a plain old Plain Shirt?

Step 3: Buy It

This is the easy part! Just hand over your credit card details and wait for the inevitable existential crisis that follows.

Return Policy, because let's face it, you're going to need it.

That's it! Congratulations, you're now a master of buying things you don't need but will probably regret later.

Back to the Main Page