Microwave Safety Reports: Because You Were Wondering

Warning: Microwaves are not actually safe, but let's just pretend they are for the sake of this report.

Reported Incidents:

Someone tried to cook a frozen turkey in 5 seconds. Outcome: Explosion.
A cat was microwaved for 30 seconds. Outcome: Catnip overdose.
A human was microwaved for 1 minute. Outcome: Mildly singed eyebrows.

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