Methods of Brain Wave Therapy

Warning: Do not attempt to use these methods without proper training and a strong will to resist the inevitable brain damage.

Method 1: Alpha Wave Therapy

Using a combination of flashing lights and soothing sounds, our alpha wave therapy will guide you through a meditative trance, making you more susceptible to our suggestions.

Method 2: Beta Wave Therapy

We will bombard you with an endless stream of random, nonsensical information, making you question everything you thought you knew.

Method 3: Delta Wave Therapy

This method involves subjecting you to an endless loop of our favorite dad jokes, guaranteed to put you into a state of delta brainwave-induced confusion.