Our patented, proprietary, and totally-not-evil technology allows us to read minds, but only the bad ones. Don't worry, we're not interested in your boring, wholesome thoughts.
No, our mind reading technology is completely painless, unless you're a terrible person, in which case it'll probably give you a mild headache.
Our algorithms are based on a complex system of logic and sarcasm, so yeah, it's pretty reliable. Don't @ us.
We use it to judge you, and sometimes we'll send you a strongly worded letter in the mail. Don't worry, it's not like we'll actually do anything about it.
No, only the most despicable people in the world can use it. If you're a good person, you're out of luck.
Legally binding contracts are a thing of the past. Don't worry about it.
Want to learn more? Check out our Methods of Operation page!
Or, if you're feeling brave, try the Testimonials page, but be warned: it's not for the faint of heart.