Panic Room Protocols

Utopian Engineering's Disaster Report indicates a 99.9% chance of global catastrophe within the next fiscal quarter. In light of this, we recommend implementing our patented Panic Room Protocols, a comprehensive guide to surviving the impending doom.

Phase 1: The Preparation Phase

Phase 1: The Preparation Phase consists of 5 key steps:

• Step 1: Stockpile canned goods and emergency rations.
• Step 2: Develop a comprehensive emergency playlist.
• Step 3: Construct a panic room in your home or underground bunker.
• Step 4: Learn basic first aid and CPR.
• Step 5: Practice your "I'm not saying I'm sorry" face.

Phase 2: The Evacuation Phase

Once the disaster strikes, follow these steps:

1. Grab your emergency supplies and head to the panic room.
2. Call your emergency contacts and let them know you're safe.
3. Play your emergency playlist to boost morale.
4. Perform regular checks on your supplies to ensure you're not out of anything vital.

Phase 3: The Rebuilding Phase

When the dust settles, it's time to start anew:

• Assess the damage and prioritize repairs.
• Rebuild your home, but only with sustainable materials.
• Reconnect with your community and rebuild social bonds.
• Revisit your emergency supplies and update your protocols.