Arrival of Caffeine-Fueled Disaster

Monday Mandates

Monday morning. The most productive day of the week. Or not.

As you've arrived at your desk, you're greeted by the aroma of yesterday's stale coffee and the faint scent of desperation.

But fear not, for we've got a mandate in place to ensure your productivity soars.

• Drink 4 cups of coffee before 10am. If you can't, you're not trying.
• Listen to elevator music on repeat, but only if it's 80s synth-pop. Anything else is just noise.
• Take 3 hour breaks to scroll through social media. Research shows it's essential to your creative process.

Side Effects:

• Your coworkers will begin to question your sanity.
• You'll start to forget what day it is.
• You'll develop an intense dislike for Mondays.

But don't worry, we've got a support group for those struggling with Monday Mandates. Join us.

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can try our Escape Artist program. We'll teach you how to survive Monday without actually accomplishing anything.