BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME, THE SUPREME BUREAUCRAT OF MONDAY,
IT IS HEREBY MANDATED THAT ALL CITIZENS SHALL CONSUME AT LEAST 5 CUPS OF COFFEE
PER DAY, UNLESS THEY HAVE A MEDICAL EXCUSE OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 5.
This mandate shall be in effect until further notice, unless the world ends in a blaze of caffeine-fueled apoplexy.