Monday Mandates: Monday Productivity Tips

Here are the Monday Mandates, a set of rules to follow for a productive Monday.

Wake up 3 hours before your alarm clock says to, just to be safe.
Drink 5 gallons of coffee before deciding what to eat for breakfast.
Make a to-do list, but don't actually do any of the things on it.
Check your social media for existential dread, but only for 2 hours.
Repeat the phrase "I can do this, I can do this" at least 10 times a day.
Take a 4-hour lunch, but only to eat a sandwich.

Read Mandate 1: Wake up 3 hours before your alarm clock says to or ประก Read Mandate 2: Drink 5 gallons of coffee Read Mandate 3: Make a to-do list, don't do it Read Mandate 4: Check your social media for existential dread Read Mandate 5: Repeat the phrase "I can do this, I can do this" at least 10 times a day Read Mandate 6: Take a 4-hour lunch, but only to eat a sandwich