Monday Mandate 3456: Toilet Paper Fines

By order of the Office of Mandates, it is hereby decreed that all employees are to use a minimum of 2-ply toilet paper effective Monday, March 7th, 2024. Failure to comply will result in a 3-day suspension of all coffee machine privileges.

Section 1: Toilet Paper Requirements

As per Article 3, Section 2 of the Employee Handbook, all toilet paper shall be:

• Minimum 2-ply
• White or off-white in color
• Free of any scatological scents or dyes

Section 2: Exceptions

Exceptions to this mandate include:

• Emergency Restroom situations, where 1-ply will be tolerated for a maximum of 1 hour
• Special events, such as office parties or holiday celebrations, where scatological scents or dyes may be temporarily allowed for ambiance or theme purposes

Please direct any questions or concerns to your supervisor or the Office of Mandates.

Remember, a happy and healthy office is a 2-ply office!

Click here for Sock Protocol

Click here for Keyboard Lockdown