MONDAY MANDATES: THE OFFICIAL LIST

Welcome to the official repository of MONDAY MANDATES, because apparently you need to know what to do on Monday.

Here are the mandates for this, the greatest day of the week:

• Wake up at 6:00 AM and immediately start panicking because you have to be productive today.
• Eat a whole pizza by yourself, because Monday deserves a reward.
• Spend the first hour of your day scrolling through social media to see what your coworkers are up to.
• Use 10 different highlighters to color-code your to-do list, because organization is key.
• Take a 3-hour lunch break to play video games, because you've earned it.
• Spend the rest of your day pretending to be interested in what your boss is saying, while secretly counting down the minutes until 5:00 PM.

For more mandates, check out:

TUESDAY TOLERANCES for the best ways to tolerate your coworkers' nonsense.

WEDNESDAY WARNINGS for the most important warnings about what not to do on Wednesday.

THURSDAY THAUMATURGIES for the magical powers to grant yourself on Thursday.