Mandated Monday Morning Routine

By Order of the Supreme Overlord, you are hereby commanded to:

1. Wake up at 4:00 AM to listen to the sound of your alarm clock screaming at you.
2. Immediately consume a gallon of dark roast coffee while contemplating the meaning of life.
3. Don a crisp, white shirt with a faint scent of desperation.
4. Perform 3 hours of intense, sweat-drenched exercise while contemplating the futility of existence.
5. Cram a whole jar of wasabi into your mouth while staring blankly into space.

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Loss of 4th dimension privileges.
• Reassignment to a cube farm.
• Forced watching of reruns of "The Great British Baking Show".

Proceed to Mandated Monday Morning Mandates for further instructions.