Effective Immediately
Due to the overwhelming response to Mandate 1, we have been forced to issue a follow-up document outlining the rules for Monday's productivity schedule.
It is mandatory for all employees to be at their desk with a cup of coffee before the sun is higher than the windowsill.
Failure to comply will result in disciplinary action, including but not limited to:
- Being forced to watch an endless loop of motivational speeches
- Being forced to listen to the IT department's rendition of "I Will Survive"