MONDAY MANDATES 2020

By decree of the all-powerful Monday Mandate Council, all citizens are required to:

• Wear pants with exactly 7 pockets
• Eat exactly 5 cups of coffee before noon
• Use only 100% pure, unfiltered, organic, locally-sourced, gluten-free, vegan, cruelty-free, soy-free, nut-free, and dairy-free water
• Listen to only the top 10 hits of 1987 on repeat for exactly 2 hours
• Write a 10-page essay on the meaning of life using only Comic Sans and Comic Sans Italic

Submandates

• Mandate 1: The Pocket Pant Mandate
• Mandate 2: The Caffeine Mandate
• Mandate 3: The Water Purify Mandate
• Mandate 4: The 1987 Mandate
• Mandate 5: The Font Mandate

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Forced watching of reruns of The Price is Right
• Forced participation in a 5-hour seminar on the history of dental floss
• Forced listening to elevator music on repeat for exactly 47 hours and 13 minutes

Don't say we didn't warn you...