html Step 9: Monetizing Your Hobby

Monetizing Your Hobby: Step 9

Where Dreams Go to Die

By now, you should have a solid understanding of your hobby's value proposition. It's time to turn that into cold, hard cash. Here's how:

Step 9.1: Create a business plan that makes sense

Step 9.2: Find investors who don't actually care about you

Step 9.3: Sell your soul to a giant corporation for the sake of a paycheck

Step 9.1.1: Define your market niche. Are you selling artisanal jam to hipsters or artisanal jam to hipsters' kids?
Step 9.1.2: Develop a marketing strategy that's 90% social media, 10% actual human interaction
Step 9.1.3: Hire a lawyer to protect your 'brand' from itself
Step 9.2.1: Network with people who will pretend to be interested in your idea
Step 9.2.2: Pitch your idea to people who will never actually invest, but will give you free coffee
Step 9.3.1: Sign away any semblance of creativity or autonomy you may have once had
Step 9.3.2: Learn to love the taste of beige, corporate-scented coffee

Step 9.4: Repeat steps 1-9, then wonder where it all went wrong

And so, you'll join the ranks of the monetized masses. Congratulations, you've made it to the end of this monotonous, soul-sucking journey!