The Squeak Safety Protocol
Welcome, fellow mousekind! This is the most comprehensive guide to avoiding squeaking in all its forms.
Pre-Squeak Protocol
Before you even start to squeak, make sure you've got the following essentials:
- Check your squeak levels: Are they high? Medium? Low? Know thy squeak.
- Avoid peak hours: 3-5 PM, when humans are usually at their most... human.
- Keep a squeak-free distance: At least 3 feet away from any humans, lest you trigger a squeak.
During Squeaking
Once you've triggered a squeak, follow these simple steps to contain the situation:
- Stay still: Don't move, or you might make things worse.
- Calm the squeak: Gently tap the area with a cotton swab or a nearby feather.
- Seek assistance: Call in the Squeak Team (available 24/7)
Post-Squeak Protocol
After the crisis has been contained:
- Take a load off: Give your poor, overworked squeaking muscles a break.
- Review and revise: Go over what went wrong, and how you can improve next time.
- Bask in the glow of your squeak-free status: You did it!
Report a Squeak Incident if the protocol failed.