Moustache Requirements

For the discerning individual seeking to adorn their upper lip with the most majestic of moustaches, several key considerations must be met:

• A suitable canvas: A well-groomed moustache requires a surface area that is neither too small nor too large. The ideal surface area is roughly equivalent to that of a small cat's whisker.
• A purpose: A moustache is only as good as the intent behind it. Is it for intimidation, sophistication, or perhaps to distract from an otherwise unremarkable nose?
• A commitment: A moustache is not a fleeting fancy, but rather a long-term relationship. Be prepared to spend years cultivating your 'stache.
• A sense of humor: A moustache, much like life, can be cruel and unforgiving. Learn to laugh at yourself, for the moustache will inevitably mock you.