Today's Schedule:
6:00 AM - Wake up, stretch, and scream at the alarm clock
6:30 AM - Feed the cat, check social media, and wonder why you're not a billionaire
7:00 AM - Breakfast: cereal with a side of existential dread
8:00 AM - Meditation sessions with the existential dread
12:00 PM - Lunch: eat a whole pizza by yourself, because you're a grown adult
3:00 PM - Afternoon nap: because adulting is hard
6:00 PM - Dinner: same pizza, different slice
9:00 PM - Evening reflections: 'what did I do today?'
10:00 PM - Bedtime: because sleep is the new wakefulness
Remember: sleep is not just for the weak, it's for the enlightened.