**TODAY'S CHAOS INDEX:**
Chance of spontaneous combustion: 87%
Chance of reality checks: 0%
Chance of spontaneous combustion-related insurance claims: 100%
**CHAOS LEVEL: EXTREME**
**CHANCE OF CHAOS-RELATED DISASTER:**
High winds: 99% | Heavy rainbows: 99%** | Unpredictable quantum fluctuations: 99%