Notifications from the Department of Redundant Information

Here are the latest updates on your utterly inconsequential life:

• Reminder: You are still alive.
• Notification: The coffee machine is still beeping at 3:14 AM.
• Alert: The cat is still judging you.
• Update: The elevator is still not working, so you have to use the stairs.

For more thrilling updates, visit our press releases or our bulletins.