Nuclear Protocol Crisis Level 8: Critical Situation Report
We are currently experiencing a Level 8 crisis. Please stand back.
Immediate Actions:
- Evacuate the area. Immediately.
- Seal all windows. Don't question why.
- Prepare for radiation shielding. Or don't. We're not really sure.
Secondary Protocols:
- Send a team of highly trained, highly paid experts to contain the situation.
- Deploy the emergency radiation suits.
- Call in the hazmat squad.
Contingency Planns:
- Activate the nuclear football.
- Mobilize the reserve team of nuclear specialists.
- Prepare for the worst.